I think this past week has been one of the hardest I have encountered in a very long time.
I tried to write a new post earlier but I just could not get it together...
I am beginning to think I might be fighting depression a wee bit.
Right now my husband Tim is out looking for bodies lost in a flash flood a few days ago in a nearby camping park. You may gave heard about it on the news. This will be his second day out. I am very proud to have a husband who cares so much about helping others and is not in it for the recognition... he does it because this it who he is. I was born into a world where I grew up not seeing but a very few people who actually cared about others or had compassion.... Tim has been a major GOD send in my life. He has been the one person who has made me want to be a better person and encouraged me to reach beyond myself and not give up.
I lost a patient this past week.... that person is in a better place I have no doubt because at least they are not in pain, but it was a very hard death to witness. As I have written in the past... I have been a Hospice volunteer this past year. It has been a year of healing and growth for me. It has also been very painful. I am taking some time off from Hospice...however I will still help two patients and their caregivers just not as a Hospice volunteer.
I am trying to decide where I need to go with my life next. I am contemplating writing a book and incorporating my artwork. It is something I have wanted to do for a very long time, however; I am wondering in the light of this crazy falling a part planet if that is a worthy undertaking. I mean what is the point of another book in a world full of useless books? If I am doing this for me... then is that even the right thing to do? I feel so confused about what to do these days with so much needing to be done out there. I feel almost guilty about even thinking about such a project.
Maybe that is weight from my past pulling me away from anything that is even remotely close to my heart. I just do not know... and the Father is so quiet these days or I am so deaf... I can not seem to get any leading on what I need to do. But then maybe He is the one putting this on my heart? Maybe this depression that is trying to settle in is because I am not doing the thing I am being called to do.
So.... I need your prayers out there. I would love the support of my brothers and sisters in the faith. I am all done in right now but I have no doubt I will pull out of this in due time. I am not one to stay down. The Father did not wire me that way. : )
Later,
Judy
3 comments:
Judy,
Seems many of us are experiencing this.... whatever it is... Papa knows... i don't...
Prayin for you Sis! for Encouragment and Understanding and the ability to make it through this with renewed Faith and Joy and Love... Knowing what it is that we are to do for Him
And Prayers for all the other Lambs who are going thru this, too... May He wash us Clean and Heal us completely!!!
Blessings to you and your family!
Love you Sis!
Kelly
Judy,
I've never heard of one saint that has not had doubts or discouragement. Most of us are getting overwhelmed these days. If you feel called to write a book, them write, or whatever God directs. If you only touch one person won't it be worth it? Obey God, the results are up to Him. As the end draws near wickedness will increase but so will the good in God's elect. It's darkest before the dawn. The race in nearly done. So many signs of that. Come Lord Jesus.
I am hanging in there and feeling much better... thanks for the encouragement....
Love you guys!!
Judy
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