Judas

Judas......


I have heard a lot of stories about Judas Iscariot and his betrayal of Jesus. It is always the same....

He sold the Son of Man for thirty pieces of silver. He betrayed the Savior and was a very bad man and he hanged himself and went to hell. Now, that was what I was always taught in church.


But what I never really heard was that he was very remorseful.... he was repentive and he admitted his sin even to returning the silver to the men he betrayed the Savior too. He was not a man who walked away from what he did feeling good and taking his money and partying it up afterwards with out a thought of regret or without a painful conscious. It even says in one verse that Satan entered him at one point before the betrayal. Could it be that he was chosen for this horrible job? Could it be that this was his destiny? Could it be that maybe before this ever happened and when Jesus chose him as a disciple he really had no clue he would do this horrible thing? Peter never thought he would betray the Savior before he did it... but he did.
Judas was in such agony over what he did that he fell into despondency and he killed himself.

Does that sound like the actions of a person who is evil and has no heart or conscious? Does that sound like a person with no worth? Like a person worse off then any of us? A person that Christ himself would turn away from?

I know, I know I have heard all my life how that if a person commits suicide he can not be forgiven and is faithless.


Well I have a confession to make... I have tried to commit suicide before. Was it a lack of faith on my part? Did I not trust God to see me through?

All I know is at the place in my life where I got to this point it was not because I was not calling out to God and had no faith. I was in major pain. I did not so much want to die as much as I just did not know how to live with the pain I was feeling in my heart, mind and body. It was just more then I could cope with. I have talked to many others who have been at this point in their lives and they say the same thing. It was only by the grace of God I did not succeed in doing myself in at that time. Sure wasn't for lack of trying.


Now another issue concerning ol Judas.... the issue of doing something totally out of character and wrong. Haven't any of you ever done something really wrong and really bad and then afterwards stood backed shocked at what you just did? You stand there thinking " what did I just do? What is wrong with me? Oh God, what HAVE I DONE???!!!" Then guilt hits.... remorse hits... you feel as if you are the most evil person to ever step foot on this planet and you have no idea why you just did such a horrible thing. You look in the mirror and see a stranger and wonder how you are ever going to make this right and be forgiven, much less be able to forgive yourself.

If this has never happened to any of you... well you are a much better person then I am. I don't know about others but I have the most guilty conscious of any person I know. I can not get away with anything I know in my heart that is wrong without feeling remorseful and repentive. And I can say in all honesty I have done some pretty bad things in my life I am not proud of and am still shocked about even today that it ever came to my mind to do them. I am human... I live in a flesh body and I screw up and sometimes I have screwed up big time.

So, you might say..." Well yeah Judy but you did not betray Jesus Christ." Well yeah... I have. I have betrayed Him every time I hurt someone. Every time I reacted and lashed out in anger at someone. Every time I did not forgive someone. Every time I could have helped someone and walked away. Every time I was selfish and self centered. Every time I miss judged someone. Every time I gossiped and every time I labeled someone because they did not conform to some stupid ideal I might have had at that time.

I have been a Judas many, many times.... and I even tried to kill myself. Just because I did not succeed does not make me better then he was.

I think Judas is an example for us... I think he was chosen. I think he screwed up big time and I think he was forgiven. I do not think he is burning in some dark horrible place... even if I even believed in such a place.
I find it kind of comforting that if Judas can be forgiven... then so can I. GOD is never shocked by what we do... and He never turns away from a truly repentive heart. At least that is how I see it.....