New day new post....

So much for the anger thing...takes too much energy and that is one thing I do not have enough of to spare.
I think too much, I am very sure of that!
Anyway I have come to the conclusion that even though I have written all through my story about satanic ritual abuse, I might need to revise it to just plain trauma based mind control. The reason is, because even though there was a lot of satanism involved, I am beginning to understand satanism was just another means to an end. I don't think that satanism was the main goal, it was just a function or part of the trauma base...
I believe there were many parts to the programing and the agenda was to control...
I am wondering if the programmers even really believed in their satanic crap. What I mean is sure they got off on it and sure they used it and did rituals etc. however, I am wondering if it was just another part of the programing and it was just a part of another days work, unfortunately some of them really enjoyed that part. SRA just brought out the worst in people who were already dead in spirit. Since they could not feel or give love in any way, SRA and the whole trauma cycle they used on others was the only way they could feel alive.
Now, I am not making an excuse for them at all! They are dead spirited people that I really can not compare to humans.
You know years ago I watched a movie called 'Dances with Wolves'. I remember the main tribe involved were talking about 'human beings'...they did not consider whites to be 'human beings' because whites in their eyes lacked human qualities and all the Indians saw was the bad side of  white soldiers and others killing animals for sport and having no respect for anything. When they took the time to know the one soldier they were shocked to discover he was compassionate and loyal and had respect for others and life around him, thus they deemed him a high honor of being a 'Human being'.
I think there is a lot of truth in that...
Although the Indians were not perfect and had their flaws they also had respect and care for others and the planet. They did not kill unless they felt a threat to their loved ones, etc....yes there was always exceptions...just like with the whites...and the soldier showed them that.
It is not always so cut and dry with humans....
Some are humans with flaws and some are not humans, in that they did not show or have one ounce of humanity or love.
So in my mind I see the perpetrators of my life as mostly non humans as I did not see any sign of humanity in them.
One things 'they' taught me was to never trust anyone or anything outside of the religion 'they' taught me. I was never to question other faiths, thoughts or even my own doubts. I was never suppose to step outside of the box I was put into. I was suppose to be a human robot controlled by non-human beings...
Guess that is what the last few months of my posts have been about, me climbing out of that box, kicking and screaming and being a human being....