You know I get a lot of e-mail and such from people who I know mean well but just do not get where I am at, at all. That is not a dig on them as such, just a fact.

I have studied the bible off and on a good part of my life. I have searched and prayed and researched and on and on. Where I am at in my faith is a long term commitment on my part in a quest for truth.

I know all the scriptures about Jesus and faith and such and such. I know all things are suppose to work together for good for those who love the Lord. I know also that sometimes bad things happen to good people and good happens to bad people. I know the sun shines on the just and unjust. I know prayers do not always get answered and that in spite of ones beliefs and faith shit still happens and that is life on this planet.

I do not think everything is cut and dry like some kind of formula we can mix together and get wanted results.

I know we are to forgive our enemies and turn away from anger, etc. But the thing is I am probably more frustrated with believers then I am the perpetrators who hurt me. I know what to expect out of the people who hurt me. I know they are evil and most of them seem to enjoy being evil. I know that their father is from the dark side and they take after him. I mean what can you expect from Luciferians? Love? Compassion? NO!

But when it comes to people who are suppose to be on the good side and all you get is condemnation and fear of going to hell and talk about vengeance etc. well it just kind of gets to me. I cringe every time I hear someone say...'”well on judgment day they will get theirs” It is not that I do not want justice. I do. I get really tired of the dark side winning and hurting people. My heart bleeds when I think or hear about anyone being abused and exploited in any way. I still get sick when I am confronted with the things so called humans are capable of doing to each other.

But more then justice I just want it all to END!! Period!! I do not get warm fuzzy's thinking about all the perpetrators in my life writhing in agony for eternity. In my head what calms my heart is the thought of evil being eliminated, period! I do not know what makes some souls more evil then others. I do not know why some chose to be evil and others do not unless they are just born that way. I can not read a heart. I have seen pure evil and I have felt pure evil but I still do not understand it. All I know is that I want it to END!

My greatest anger is that it has not already ENDED!!! My biggest question to the Creator is WHY HAVE YOU NOT ENDED IT????? And please do not send me all those past scriptures that are suppose to explain it to me because they do not make any sense at all to me. I have to believe that the Creator has a plan but that does not mean I have to like it. Maybe after this life is all said and done everything with be clear to me but as for now... I just want it to END!!!

Now for a prayer request....Because I just have to believe that prayers do still get answered... : ) 

Tim and I need a better place to live. We are currently trying to figure out how to get a decent mobile home. We currently live in a cabin like storage building but with no bathroom etc... a one room affair with another small building as a kitchen. Anyway with our son being ill we know at some point we will be caring for him. Hopefully not a long time as I pray he gets better and can go on with his life however, right now we have no way to even have company stay much less care for someone who is ill. Also we will be caring for Tim's parents sometime in the near future so we have that to consider. We have no help outside of us on this so we could really use some serious prayers on what to do and how to do it. A miracle would be great! : ) 

Thanks all... I know most of you are great prayer warriors!!!