Update on my life

Well it has been a long summer and I for one am really glad it is over for this year. I think I spent the best part of my
summer fighting what felt like brain zapping and headaches. Sounds hurt my ears and I had a lot of ringing in my ears.
The zapping felt like electro shocks to my head, like when I was a kid during a lot of the trauma based mind control stuff.
I have been wondering if I has been targeted, if it was body memories or maybe some of the damage done to my brain
 trying to re-connect and heal. In any case it all came along with some flash backs and not so wonderful memories, plus
a need to search for truth in my life.

Well such is life and I got through it. I am much better now with only a little zapping from time to time in my head.
Amazingly I am not having the fall coming on winter depression I usually get this time of year. I feel really good mentally
 and very calm in a weird way. Maybe this summer was another part of my healing somehow. Life is never a dull place for
us survivors.

I have also gone through a pretty hard stretch of searching out my soul stuff and reevaluating my spiritual life. The
Creator and I have had some pretty intense talks. I also worked through a lot of buried anger I did not know I had
left in me, as well as un-forgiveness.

I am not sure where this has all left me at this point in my life but I can see that this is an ongoing process and
never a done deal as long as I breath on this planet.

Where does this leave my faith? Well that is really an ongoing process to be sure. Working through the garbage of
programmed religion is not pretty or easy. It is quite painful and exhausting. Having to let go of all my preconceived
ideas and notions is very unsettling and disorienting at best.

What can I say at this point to anyone who is reading this? Well for one thing if you do not want all the truth don't
ask the Creator to reveal it to you because it sure not pretty and for one thing, once you are shown the truth
you can never go back to where you were. You will not even be sure what to do with the truth you have been shown
and a huge part of you will want to chuck it off like a dirty coat even though it is the dirty coat. You will be angry
 and you will find a lot of garbage in you that is very ugly. You will also fight un-forgiveness in a huge way because of
all the anger of being duped and lied to in just about every way your whole life.

I know the truth is suppose to set you free and it does, it really does, however, it is a very painful process getting
there and as I said it is an ongoing process. I am sure it is not something any of us could handle all at once, least we
implode. It is like peeling off layers and layers of an onion. Also some of those layers are like old friends and
it is hard to let go of them even if they are not healthy friends, because they are so familiar and comfortable to
have around.

Also a lot of what you find and discover goes against everything most of the people you love believe
in and hold dear. So you are stuck with what you know is true in your heart, your true convictions, not sure where to
go with them and very few to whom you can confide in. But even with all of that it is still good to shed that old dirty
binding coat. Because you never knew how old, binding and smelly it was until you chucked it along with the smelly
layers of that onion you are peeling away.

I am not saying I have all the truth or that I even have part of it. I am saying what I am discovering is the only truth
I have found to make any kind of sense. This is my search and my life journey. I believe this is part of the reason
I am still here and my destiny to pursue. Some I will share and some I will keep to myself, as we all have to find and
search out the truth for ourselves because we can not do that for anyone else.

So that is an update of where I am right now. I wish to thank all of you who have been faithful to pray for me
and encourage me when I am struggling so much. I am still fighting quite a lot of pain in my body but I can still
get out of bed each day, get dressed and care for my animals, plus the people who need me. I consider that
a huge miracle!!!


Love & Prayers,
Judy