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                                     What Is Home?

What is home? All my life I have been wondering if there really is such a place in this reality. I was told often as a child by the people that abused me including my dad that I was not wanted at home, thus I was basically homeless. I lived with people who were my family but I was not to confuse that with being a home. Besides we moved a lot and just as I was getting used to a place we were gone.

When my mom started getting serious about religion I was around 11 or so. It was at church that I was taught that this planet was not our home so don’t get attached because, if you were a Christian home would someday be in a place called heaven. Now I was taught many things about heaven but not once could I really comprehend what I was being told. Heaven was and still is a very elusive place to me, so it is really not anything I feel I am a part of or have any warm fuzzy feelings about, especially it being my home. Does that mean I am not destined to be there?

OK, so if this place is not our home then why do we spend so much time trying to make it one? Why do we have the need to have a place to live and put our mark on? Why should it even matter where we live or how we live if this place is not our home in the first place? Why not just live out of a suitcase and buy a tent for shelter and camp? If we are just passing through on the way to heaven then why buy a house, get stuff to put into it or anything else?

I am confused. No matter where I live I have the urge to put up curtains, decorate in some way, put some personal touches on it, to make it feel like it is mine and safe is some way, a place where I belong.

I have heard the phrase ‘putting down roots’ all my life and I have also heard the phrases ‘going home’ and ‘making a nest’ as well. So what does any of that mean? Is it our way of belonging somewhere thus having a home? I have also heard the phrases ‘home is where I hang my hat’ or ‘home is where the heart is’. All I know is it seems to me, that it is in the majority of us humans to have a home and have it here on this planet and in this reality. We all want a place where we can lay our heads and feel safe, a place where we belong.

So why do I always feel home is an elusive thing to me? It is like no matter what I do I never belong anywhere? Do we belong to a place, a person or the Creator? Did our Creator make us to be in pairs of some sort to make a home here? Is there a place called heaven that is supposed to be our home? Is it our souls cry to return to that place from which we came? Are all our attempts here on this planet and in this reality an aspiration to return to that which is familiar and safe…the place where we really belong?

I know there are many things on this planet that give me comfort and strength, like mountains, streams, wildlife, flowers, colors, etc. Could all these things be reminding me of my real home from which I came and am yet yearning to return?

Maybe the abusers and religious people did me a favor buy not letting me get too comfortable here.

My heart yearns to be where it once was…

That place inside that soothes and heals.

That place not of me but somewhere in me

A place that knows and remembers all that was and is yet to be.

A place that yearns and waits for paradise to return.

A place called home.

Love & Prayers, until we all meet again….

Judy