LIFE

Admiring the shine of the new snow with wonder…. Feeling the sting of the wind on my face makes me feel alive. It makes me feel alive in a way that is good.

Many times in my life I have felt alive but not always in such a good way. Many times it was in a way that I often wished I was not alive or in the least maybe in a bad dream where I could wake up and know it was not real.

My life has been a series of places of agonizing pain along with places of agonizing beauty. I guess that is how most lives are? At least I think maybe most lives are like that. Since the only life I really know anything about is my own that is all I can compare anything to. That is all any of us can do

Maybe a lot of people never experience agonizing pain or beauty at all. Maybe there really are people who live a life free of any serious pain or ecstasy. Maybe there are people who never experience anything much at all except one day droning on into another consistently calm and uneventful. I admit calm is nice but not the extent that I cannot ever feel the awe of a beautiful sunset or the wonder of a babies smile.

I would hate to have my life so limited that I cannot stand in amazement on a mountain overlooking a valley or on a beach looking out to sea, with my soul reaching to the sky in ecstasy of the beauty beyond any words in my vocabulary.

Could it be that maybe the agonizing pain we experience in this life is to prepare us to except the ecstasy of the next? Maybe you have to experience the agonizing pain to even recognize or handle the ecstasy of anything at all.

Maybe the Creator allows some experiences of horror and pain for that very reason. Maybe He even gives us amazing glimpses of the ecstasy in the next life.

For instance….. The changing of the seasons with the orgasmic color changes that are so brilliant that no matter how we humans try we cannot really reproduce them… the blooms of the spring flowers transitioning in orgasmic colors to summer in a calmer way then the fall. The human orgasm felt when reproducing another human (or when you are not). The awesome unlimited beauty of the universe whether you are looking within through a microscope on outward through a telescope. The amazing way anything reproduces through a single cell to become something original and full of wonder.

Maybe we as humans have to feel the pain to get to the real ecstasy of life. Pain- pleasure and love- hate…. All very close and all part of what makes us human. Maybe the ones who walk this earth and never experience any of this are not human? Maybe some are human but something has taken away their humanity somehow?

I know a few things about this walk called my life…. I have always felt something. I have always felt things intensely. I know I am alive and I am alive because something bigger than me deemed it so. I would not take away any of the pain if it meant I would lose any of the wonderment… any of the ecstasy. Because through all of it…. It means I have lived.

By Multijl,
A life in progress