Stop Picking!!!

I have noticed in my blogging how one time I might be uplifting and how the next I might be about struggles etc... I never seem to hang onto anything a long time but do go over things as they come up. Lately however, I have noticed something in my family as well as others that is bothering me a lot. This is a problem I have had as well so this is not picking the thorn out of someones else's eye while I have a beam in my own sort of thing.


This is about picking people apart.


I have really been listening to myself and to others especially my own family and have noticed something that bothers me to no end and it is a very destructive trait that should be stopped. Don't know if it ever will but I am sure working on it here, on my side.


I know as a young mom how I always felt inadequate in just about everything I did when it came to child rearing. Since I was only 17 when my first was born and 23 when my last made an appearance I was pretty young and inexperienced. I was also dealing with a lot of other baggage as you all know. None the less it never helped when I was always getting pounded by so-called well meaning family members about how I cared for my children. Instead of lending a hand or offering any kind of support I was usually just picked at and my already low self esteem plummeted even more. To make it worse I went through horrible post childbirth depression. I had no immediate family members around for support and my then husbands family were pretty brutal in the condemnation department. My kids survived no thanks to any help from others but it was hard.


I have noticed when listening to people talk about their families how the same thing happens. Someone is always picking apart another family member or members because they are not doing things the way others think they should and to make things worse the ones who think they have a handle on perfection and wisdom are not perfect themselves. What a shock!

I am not talking about helpful suggestions...or child abuse or anything like that, what I am talking about is one family member thinking they have a right to tell or pick apart another member for what they believe, how they believe and just about anything else they do. How I see it when I look at my children, nieces and nephews at this point is this... they are doing the best they can with who they are, what they know and what they believe. They all love their kids and they all want the best for their children. They will make mistakes, they will even blow it big time at some points, but all in all they will do a lot of things right in spite of themselves and everyone around them. It is a pretty good guess that most of their children will turn out OK and the few that won't made that decision for themselves.

I know this because I did the best I could with what I knew and what I believed. I blew it big time more then once, however, I loved my kids with all that was in me and I always wanted what was best for them even if I did not know what that was at times.I even got things right now and then suprising to me. And guess what? They all turned out to be pretty good people in spite of me and also because of me.

I always told my mom that I would not make the same mistakes she made...I would make my own and I did.

Picking the people you are suppose to love apart will never help them. Try and find the things they do right and well and encourage that. Never look away from child abuse under any circumstances! I have seen a lot of families pick a member apart for a stupid thing and overlook someone else's child abuse because that is a taboo subject. Always encourage family if they are trying to improve their lives by either going back to school or training for something or starting a new hobby, etc. Never tell them they are not smart enough or to old or lazy etc. and forget about how they were in high school most of us are not the same people we were then anyway. If you can not find one kind and positive thing to say then shut up!!! Some times people really need you to just listen without imput. They might just need a sounding board to bounce ideas off of. When it comes to family members for some reason a lot of people think it is Ok to put down, attack, insult and humilate them. That is not OK!!! And it is not OK for anyone to do that to you!!!

We all have baggage and we all make mistakes but it is what we do with that baggage and how we learn from those mistakes that matters the most. Don't beat the people you are suppose to love with your suitcase...put it in the closet where it is suppose to be and learn to love a little. Remember....we might just need a little compassion and encouragement ourselves sometime. By the way we all know when we blow it...we don't need to be told...but we do need to be loved in spite of it.

Peace & Love,
Judy