I am always in the process of thinking about something or another. Don’t know if I ever figure anything out or not, but I continue to think none the less.
I often wonder if all my ponderings are a good thing. I mean how do you shut off your brain? Sometimes I do it by reading, sometimes by being creative via, art and sometimes just by doing something as simple as the dishes. But is pondering really all that good or bad? I often get what I call brain cramps when I study on something way to long.
Recently I was pondering about some people I thought I knew and they turned out to be strangers. I thought and thought about how they could be so, not what I thought they were and then I wondered why I missed all the signals. Why do I always seem to miss all the signals when it comes to people?
Is it because I am too trusting? Is it because I am naive? Is it because I am stupid? Then I wonder why I even care. I mean after I figure out I have been duped I spend way too much time thinking about how I could change things or if I am really wrong about it all, or if I am paranoid. I even catch myself studying the people who duped me looking for some sign glaring out at me that will tell me something to make sense of it all.
What is worse is that most of these people call themselves Christian. What is a Christian anyway? Is it a term used for a religion? Is it someone who just uses the label because it fits their convictions? Is it just a catch all term?
My daughter recently called me pretty upset because a person whom she thought she knew told her she was having affairs on her husband. My daughter was floored. When she confronted her friend about the choices she was making and how it was affecting all the people in her life, her friend kind of got perturbed with my daughter. Then her friend went on face book and started spouting Christian this and Christian that and talking about church etc. just like her adulteries were no big deal.
My daughter was soooo upset but she was wondering if she was being to judgmental in not wanting to be friends with this person anymore. I felt my blood pressure rising. Not at my daughter but at the whole situation. How many times have I been told in church not to judge? What is judging anyway? Is it not making a call on weather something is or isn't or something? What is a Christian? If my memory serves me right in all the years I was in that mode, I always thought it meant a certain standard of conduct, morals, beliefs, etc. Now I know we can not all be perfect but I always thought there was suppose to be a standard to follow. So is there? Was that just my delusion? It seems there is not a standard anymore for anything.
I do not want to be called a Christian anymore because of what I see in churches and people who claim that title and while I am not perfect….. (By far to be sure), I do hold to some pretty clear standards for my life. I really want to honor my Creator/Father with the life He has given me and I do not want to shame Him. I know I have at times but I also know I strive very hard not to.
So what is a Christian, a term to use as a catch all maybe? Is it someone who belongs to an organized religion maybe? I have seen more Satanists/Christians then anything on this planet. I have been hurt by more Christians then anyone on this planet. I have had to fight anger, rage, un-forgiveness and everything in between because of the hits I have taken and have seen others take from proclaimed Christians. It has to be the most controlling, hurtful religion on the planet. Maybe Islam is next to it. I think they are brother and sister religions personally.
When someone asks me to go to church I almost have a massive panic attack. How whacked is that? But even though I have massive Christian issues I cannot deny I have met those who call themselves Christian and seem to really hold to Christ’s teachings and have a serious relationship with the Creator. They seem to have a lot of love for others and are always on the helping end when someone needs a hand. They are patient and kind and have hearts that are as big as the planet and beyond, but I have met people who are not Christians who have those attributes as well. They also have a relationship with the Creator and hold to Christ’s teachings etc. but just do not believe in Christianity. So are they wrong? Are they doomed? Maybe all of the Creator’s children come in different packages. I was always taught that there was only one religion that was true ‘Christianity’, but I think that is a lie. No religion is true.
In my opinion only a real relationship with the Creator/Father is true. Everything else is just packaging.
So I ponder on… brain cramps and all!!
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