I have been thinking a lot about anger and unforgiveness.
Truthfully I thought I was pretty much through the anger stuff and forgiveness is always as ongoing process in anyone’s life however; the anger and unforgiveness that I have been having problems with has not so much been about my past physical abusers as it has been about my past spiritual abusers.
Lately I have found myself getting especially angry when I pass church buildings, or when Christians start toting their church lines and doctrines at or around me.
I find myself getting defensive to the point of being belligerent.
I am becoming more and more aware of how much damage has been done to me in the name of religion. It is like I am having a huge battle within myself over religious issues, phrases and beliefs.
The chip on my shoulder is growing and I do not like what I see growing there. My anger is right next to the surface and I get into a fighting stance anytime I even perceive a religious threat to my spirit.
Wow, what a revelation. Judy the survivor who has dealt with abusers by the tons, has cried buckets of tears and prayed for the strength to forgive my abusers is now fighting anger issues over Christian abusers.
There is so much I want to spew out about how I am feeling and so much I want to say about this issue that is eating away at me, but I am afraid I will scare my readers to the point where they will never read a word I ever write again. And I do not want to push away everyone I care about over this issue. But I do want to get through and past this issue so it will not be an issue anymore.
So I will start with this…
How many of you out there are having this problem? How many want me to keep writing until I write my way through this part of my healing? Yes this is another part of my healing and I would like to share it with you all but it could get ugly. Will you judge me when I write about things that are uncomfortable? Will you understand that I am just trying to understand and make sense of things myself?
If you all want me to keep on keep ‘in on with this one, let me know and I will go for it.
Thanks,
Judy
4 comments:
i attend a small church inside a jail that meets every Tuesday. It's a very simple church where the inmates sit on one side of the isle and visitors sit on the other side - jail administration rules. But what is in this church and it's followers is The Holy Spirit. It is alive and a humble gathering to praise God and worship Jesus.
God asked me earlier this year to go back to the chruch i was last married in and i nearly refused because i know that church and the people inside are fake and dead and merely walking around with a glue on christian exterior. That is what really makes me angry - pretenders and the dead reciting gibberish when they have no clue about a personal relationship with Jesus. i am not judging these people, i am stating facts. i hear them praise God in one breath and curse someone in the next.
Well i did attend and continue to and i praise God there amid the empty containers. Just me and Him sometimes. It has been a blessing to see my sons there and yet i still have that righteous indignation toward those that preach (talk) and have no walk.
i wanted to share this to let you know that, yes, i would like you to get rid of this anger and resentment inside and pray for those empty husks. If this is the place for that healing, and i believe it is, then please let it go. This is neccessary to move on and receive your next blessing. Your real friends and followers will stay just that - real.
Love you Sister,
~ antbrother
Keep at it Judy! Go ahead and talk about the uncomfortable things and let everything out! It may be a necessary step for healing to occur. True followers of Christ and true friends will not leave you or judge you!
God Bless You!
P.S. I'm working on some "hyper/angry" issues right now too, as my dad is a very anxious person (probably learned it from him). Whenever a religious person starts talking I turn into a barking dog and want to plug my ears since they tell me that I'm the one that's lost. Argh...yeah. So you go for it and let it all out!
Thank you my brothers...you have helped in giving me the courage to rant on!!
God Bless,
Judy
I keep reading your blog because you're honest about your thoughts and don't cheapen your words by trying not to offend people.
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