Tuesday, May 3, 2016

My Child

My oldest son is fighting a serious disease. It has been a very hard struggle for this mom.
I am working on trying to stay positive but at the same time keep my feet on the ground, roll up my sleeves and do what needs to be done.
You know, as a mom, it is so very hard to watch a child no matter who old they are suffer. It goes against all that is in you. You carry a child for nine months, give birth, fall in love with that child from the moment they are put in your arms. You care for them in sickness and health, try to teach them everything you can so they will hopefully survive and thrive on this planet and love them unconditionally.  You don't divorce a child when they hurt you, betray you, or for that matter for any reason. At least most moms are this way....
Joshua has always been a good son. Not perfect, but a good, loving son. I have never doubted he loved this mom and still does.
I know in my heart that this is his journey, his life. There are things he needs to learn and do and this illness is a part of that journey. It is also a part of my journey.
I was never given a book when I came home from the hospital with Josh as a baby. It was all trial and error, done on instinct. I don't have a book right now that is helping through this either. This has been a journey all trial and error and instinct.
I can read my bible and find comforting passages and other great books of faith, however, I am still a mom, on the front lines hurting for my child. 
Will I lose my son to this battle? I do not know, but I do know this. He belongs to the Creator....I have to trust in the plan He has for my son. I have to trust that Joshua's journey is in good hands and that The Creator is in control of that.
If I should lose Joshua in the flesh I have to trust the Creator has a plan for me to get through that as well.
Right now, this mom feels pain...

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